Pain
by Stephy Newton
Summary: “Final diagnosis,” I eyed the door and concentrated on my steady voice./“Wilson is just as much of a selfish bastard as the rest of us.” Songfic, oneshot. WARNING: H/W slash, don't like, don't read. But if you do, enjoy. T for language.


**Disclaimer: How cool would it be if I owned House MD or Jimmy Eat World. Pretty cool. But I don't. **

The song is Pain by Jimmy Eat World, the writing is in the perspective of either House or Wilson and it says above the blurb whether it is House or Wilson. Okay, I hope you like this even though I wrote it in an hour or so. :)

* * *

Pain

**I don't feel the way I've ever felt.**

**I know.**

**I'm gonna smile and not get worried.**

**I try but it shows.**

_House:_

'I'm not sure we were ever friends.' I glared at Wilson's lone figure walking farther and farther away. My finger's gripped the cane harder and I blinked furiously. I had given up so much for one man in two month's. I helped him, I was with him, I even lied and said I hadn't been visiting him his for _his_ sake.

I shook my head, too unsteady to stand anymore. People and their vicious selfish nature. That was what was wrong with him.

"Final diagnosis," I eyed the door and concentrated on my steady voice.

"Wilson is just as much of a selfish bastard as the rest of us."

**Anyone can make what I have built.**

**And better now**

**Anyone can find the same white pills.**

**It takes my pain away.**

_House:_

My hand was clasping the viocodin. My fingers twisted the cap. My leg gave a throb of excitement; it would be free of pain after so long.

My brain screamed in protest. I considered my conscious, turning the white pill in my palm. Wilson was so happy I'd quit the vicodin. And it had been a month. I thought to that kiss we shared when I told him what I was doing for _his _sake. I inched the painkiller to the edge of my thumb.

I frowned at my image in the mirror, I was a slave. "Yea, fuck Wilson."

I downed that pill, and I felt a little less painful.

**It's a lie. A kiss with open eyes**

**And she's not breathing back.**

**Anything but bother me.**

**(It takes my pain away)**

**Never mind these are hard times.**

**Oh oh oh**

**I can't let it bother me.**

_Wilson:_

My finger's twitched across the table and pulled open the nightstand. I fished inside and produced the most sacred paper I'd ever known.

Amber's last note.

"I'm… I'm so so so s-s-s-sorry." It came out in gasps as I clutched the paper to my heart. "I think." I whispered, hands shaking, teeth sawing into my tender lip.

"I think I cheated on you with House," I moaned. What had I done?

I'm sad that the love of my life is dead. And then I run off with House?

What have I done?

The metallic taste of blood trickled down my throat. I touched my finger to the wound. Contemplating how it had been House's lips on mine last. Not Amber's. Not like it should be.

**I never thought I'd walk away from you.**

**I did.**

**But it's a false sense of accomplishment.**

**Every time I quit**

_House:_

I sat on the bed, studying the emptiness of the opposite side. I reached for another vicodin. My pain quieted, it felt so good because it had been so long.

Why was I feeling so good about quitting? Why did I give this up for Wilson?

"I'm not sure me were ever friends, House," I mimicked. Well if he was going to be a selfish bastard why couldn't be one right back?

I smirked. I wish he knew I was back at the pills. I wish it hurt him. I wish he knew even half of the pain I felt, so that it could kill him.

Once I told Wilson that I wouldn't, couldn't hate him.

I guess I lied.

**Anyone can see my every flaw.**

**It isn't hard.**

**Anyone can say they're above this all.**

**It takes my pain away.**

_Wilson:_

I glared at my solemn face in the mirror. Sighing, I repeated my promise to myself, "I am not gay. I am not bisexual. I hated it when. I hated it when." My voice grew weaker. I looked away. "I hate that me and House were ever intimate." It was a mumble.

_Liar._

My conscious, quick as ever to remind me of the truth.

_You are gay, bisexual or something; _it went on, _because you loved him that way. You loved it when he spent the night._

I shook my head and slammed my fist against the bathroom door. "Damn it!" I yelled in frustration. "I fucking hate House! I loved Amber, but never House. He wasn't even a friend." Maybe if I said it enough it'd be true.

**It's a lie. A kiss with open eyes**

**And she's not breathing back.**

**Anything but bother me.**

**(It takes my pain away)**

**Never mind these are hard times.**

**Oh oh oh**

**I can't let it bother me.**

_House:_

Something didn't feel right. I tossed in bed and observed my alarm clock. It's red number changing. Not stopping.

Reminding me I was loosing sleep over Wilson.

3:28AM.

Four hours ago I was cursing his name. Now I needed him next to me.

What was wrong with me? I stared at the ceiling. I concentrated hard.

"Final diagnosis." My voice shattered the silence.

"I am fucking crazy."

**I can't let it bother me**

**It takes my pain away.**

_Wilson:_

I glared at the telephone with growing animosity.

It, however, continued to sit awkwardly on the table, begging me to pick it up, to use it.

Why was this bothering me so much? How stupid was it to admit you missed the touch of someone you said was never even your friend. I eyed the phone.

"What if Amber isn't okay with this? Who wants to say their last boyfriend left them for a man, anyway. What if I hurt her?" I pleaded to the Man upstairs. Hoping maybe my pain was great enough that he noticed, and turned.

Maybe he knew I needed the okay from Amber.

Maybe I'm just crazy and I really didn't hear anything.

But I swear the most beautiful girl whispered 'it's okay. Call him.'

I grinned upwards, to God, to Amber.

Then my hand flew to the phone.

**It's a lie. A kiss with open eyes**

**And she's not breathing back.**

**Anything but bother me.**

**(It takes my pain away)**

**Never mind these are hard times.**

**Oh oh oh**

**I can't let it bother me.**

_Wilson:_

My heart skipped beats impatiently as the phone rang.

"C'mon, pick up, I need you," I mouthed soundlessly.

As if on a cue, a cool deep voice croaked a 'hello.'

"House," I swallowed hard. "A-are you drunk?"

His voice was hard on the other line, "I may have a beer or two with my vicodin." He continued stoically.

My heart went raw.

"House you didn't, I didn't mean, I don't want you to… House, why?" I stammered, angry that I was the cause. I made him go back to it.

"Well, Wilson," House answered with lugubrious air. "Let's think, I gave up the one thing that takes my pain away for you." He paused for effect. "And you tell me we were never even friends? That makes it pointless to continue being in pain."

I choked back my own anguish. "I'm sorry, you're my… I didn't mean it." I finished lamely.

"Oh you poor thing." He retorted venomously. "You know, I used to think that you thought that if you cared enough you wouldn't have to die. Now I know you only care enough to please your selfish ass."

"House no." a single, lone tear traveled down my face as I pressed the hot phone to my cheek.

"Wilson?" House was short.

"House don't hang up." I pleaded unsteadily.

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

**Takes my pain**

**Takes my pain**

**Takes my pain**

**Takes my pain away**

_House:_

I was speechless; my thumb was poised on the end button. But I just couldn't press it. Because Wilson, being Wilson, had to care.

"I love you." He repeated. "I said the things I did because I was scared. I thought of Amber, and, what would she think? Of me going with you, House. I didn't think she'd approve so I cut you off. But I can't. I want you so much. I need you so much. Can you forgive me?" Wilson breathing was thick as he finished. I listened to him trying to unhitch the air in his throat.

"Amber wouldn't care." I said.

"I don't care if Amber would care or not. I need you." He managed.

Coming from Wilson, that was barley believable.

But he was sure as hell telling the truth.

I smiled for the first time in hours. It hurt to do so. But it didn't matter now "Why don't you come and spend the night?"

* * *

** Every time you ignore the review button Chuck Norris cries. (just kidding, but if Chuck Norris would cry then you should review).**


End file.
